Browse Steven Wright quotes and sayings.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Steven Wright
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and […]
I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to […]
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? […]
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told […]
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the […]
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Wright
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. Steven Wright
Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back. Steven Wright
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. […]
A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one […]