Browse Henry Youngman quotes and sayings.
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she’d kill me. She thinks […]
When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win. Henny Youngman
When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say. Henny Youngman
I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange. […]
When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my […]
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have […]
What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money. Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. […]
My grandmother is over eighty and she still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of […]
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no […]
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Henny Youngman
I said to my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’ She […]
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to […]
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says “You’ve been brought here […]
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they […]
If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep […]