Joke Quotes, Joke One-Liners, Joke Sayings, Joke Memes, Joke Statuses and Joke Tweets!
If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else. Yogi […]
Whenever I’m stuck in traffic, I can’t help but wonder, ‘Where did the creator of […]
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. […]
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and […]
It’s not a pretty face, I grant you. But underneath its flabby exterior is an […]
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year […]
Since the very beginning, Emeril’s had a sense of humor about me calling him names […]
Donald Trump – and I don’t dislike Donald one single bit – has no idea […]
Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world’s lamest Ghostbuster. I am […]
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am […]
Every morning, I would actually look at the obituaries before I had breakfast. And as […]
I always wanted to be a juvenile delinquent but my parents wouldn’t let me. John […]
People make a lot of jokes about the empty nest. Let me tell you, it […]
I do realize that when I laugh, it sounds like a seal is being molested. […]
After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I’m going to try to get back and […]
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. Oscar Wilde
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There is too much fraternizing with […]
Poetry is like making a joke. If you get one word wrong at the end […]
I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to […]
You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn’t that […]
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. Milton Berle
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the […]
The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the […]
I never looked at my parents’ marriage or really anyone who had been married more […]
I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to […]
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a […]
Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright, they’re grand. Benny Hill
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s […]
My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar – I […]
Parenting is all about killing time until the kids are old enough to move out. […]
Personally I have no bone to pick with graveyards. Samuel Beckett
Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. Yogi Berra
If your neighbors think you’re a detective because a cop always brings you home, you […]
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man […]
Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just […]
I don’t even want to know someone who isn’t barely hanging on by a thread. […]
A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck […]
Old is when people compliment your alligator shoes, and you’re not wearing any. Norm Crosby
I wanna open up a maternity shop and call it “We’re fucked”. Zach Galifianakis