Joke Quotes, Joke One-Liners, Joke Sayings, Joke Memes, Joke Statuses and Joke Tweets!
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. […]
Kids, You Tried Your Best And You Failed Miserably. The Lesson Is, Never Try. Homer […]
Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone. Redd Foxx
Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. […]
I did a sponsored walk once. In the end, I’d managed to raise so much […]
It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have […]
In New York, there are so many potholes, they’re like craters on the moon. That’s […]
The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer […]
When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my […]
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. Drew Carey
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they’re in August. Ronnie Shakes
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. […]
Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others’ discomfort. When someone slips on […]
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. George Carlin
I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, […]
Guys will definitely settle for women who get the joke. But a woman who can […]
A girl can tell I like her when I blush or start telling bad jokes. […]
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too. Mitch Hedberg
I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup. Eddie Izzard
You know you’re ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger […]
My friends who have babies can’t do anything. You can’t go out at night. Having […]
Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown […]
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get […]
He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. Raymond […]
People don’t usually wanna kill me for one of my movies until after they’ve paid […]
Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked […]
People teach their dogs to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, […]
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board […]
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I […]
Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you […]
That’s when you know you’re a true married couple: when you have to apologize for […]
A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers. Eddie Cantor
If you ever need anything please don’t hesitate to ask someone else first. Kurt Cobain
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told […]
Rich Little
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. Norman […]
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. Rita […]
Amy Schumer
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. […]