Joke Quotes, Joke One-Liners, Joke Sayings, Joke Memes, Joke Statuses and Joke Tweets!
As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband […]
I’m glad I’m not bisexual. I couldn’t stand being rejected by men as well as […]
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep […]
Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw […]
My grandfather always said, Don’t watch your money, watch your health. So one day while […]
At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted? Zach […]
I recommend that everyone in their youth be as out of shape as possible so […]
It’s easy for someone to joke about scars if they’ve never been cut. William Shakespeare
I’m number 10 at the box office. Right under Barbra Streisand. Can you imagine being […]
Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. Rita […]
Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas. Lewis Black
If you can see the handwriting on the wall… you’re on the toilet. Redd Foxx
You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, […]
Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one […]
What do I know about sex? I’m a married man. Tom Clancy
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she’d kill me. She thinks […]
I cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the world […]
Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life. Will Ferrell
There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed. Peter Sellers
Progress was all right. Only it went on too long. James Thurber
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. Bill Maher
Cricket is basically baseball on valium. Robin Williams
Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first […]
Growing old is compulsory – growing up is optional. Bob Monkhouse
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy all day. Mitch […]
I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. […]
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was […]
People think I’m joking when I say that whoever experiments the most in life wins. […]
To single out a particular group and say we can’t make a joke about them […]
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. […]
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what […]
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was […]
My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother […]
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. Garrison […]
To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.’ Rita Rudner
Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I […]
Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life… and you messed it […]
I’m not an atheist. How can you not believe in something that doesn’t exist? That’s […]
Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! Alcoholic and […]