Joke Quotes, Joke One-Liners, Joke Sayings, Joke Memes, Joke Statuses and Joke Tweets!
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a […]
Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright, they’re grand. Benny Hill
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s […]
My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar – I […]
Parenting is all about killing time until the kids are old enough to move out. […]
Personally I have no bone to pick with graveyards. Samuel Beckett
Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. Yogi Berra
If your neighbors think you’re a detective because a cop always brings you home, you […]
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man […]
Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just […]
I don’t even want to know someone who isn’t barely hanging on by a thread. […]
A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck […]
Old is when people compliment your alligator shoes, and you’re not wearing any. Norm Crosby
I wanna open up a maternity shop and call it “We’re fucked”. Zach Galifianakis
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Steven Wright
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. Danny Zuker
I wonder what will happen if I put a hand cream on my feet, will […]
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember […]
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a […]
How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let […]
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. […]
Kids, You Tried Your Best And You Failed Miserably. The Lesson Is, Never Try. Homer […]
Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone. Redd Foxx
Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. […]
I did a sponsored walk once. In the end, I’d managed to raise so much […]
It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have […]
In New York, there are so many potholes, they’re like craters on the moon. That’s […]
The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer […]
When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my […]
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. Drew Carey
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they’re in August. Ronnie Shakes
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. […]
Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others’ discomfort. When someone slips on […]
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. George Carlin
I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, […]
Guys will definitely settle for women who get the joke. But a woman who can […]
A girl can tell I like her when I blush or start telling bad jokes. […]
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too. Mitch Hedberg
I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup. Eddie Izzard